Depression - (the definition) - A mental health disorder characterized by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life. (MayoClinc.com)
Get it?Ok, so as some may know this, my sister took her own life in March of this year. Devastating for me to say the least.
DEV. A. STAT. ING.
Now some may say, we all lose people, and yes we do. Some go fast, some go quick, but everyone must go. I. GET. IT. Truly, I do.
What sent me on this spiral was - one it was so unexpected, two she didn't reach out to anyone in her family (she did reach out to a friend that did try to help), and three she was to darn young.
I asked myself WHY for so long. Why would she do it, why did it come to this, why is she gone, why would she not reach out to one of us. Why? WHY?? But, as you know these are things that can never be answered. She is the only one who knew that answer and she is gone. Missed beyond belief. Not only has this affected me terribly, but it has also affected my youngest the most. They were very close and she was her godmother. So not only am I trying to deal with it, so is my youngest. I know most of my family can't believe it either. No one thought the last time they saw her, would be the last time. It is something that I live with every day of my life.
I wish I could have done more. I wish she was still here. I wish I was able to be her lifeline that day and every day. I wasn't, but that doesn't stop me from wishing. When someone is taken so suddenly from your life, it is so hard to deal with. I found that knowing (my mom and dad) were going to die (cancer for both) it was easier to come to terms with it. You kind of deal with it as you are going, knowing what the end result will be. You kind of prepare for it. It is still a shock when it comes but the blow isn't as hard. When someone dies so unexpectedly it hits you so darn hard. The best example I can give of this is getting hit in your heart by a bus.What I am getting at, is that even 6 months later, it is still affecting me in a way I never thought possible. I am a nurse and help people through these things myself. But, for me its so darn hard. It so hard for me, that I have not only sought therapy but have been taking antidepressants for the last four months. I am not ashamed of this fact. I needed it. I knew I needed this help. For the first few days of learning about her death I cried on the floor in the fetal position saying take me too. That was when I knew I needed help. Not only did I get help for myself, I got some for my daughter. We are both currently seeing a therapist and taking meds. We figure it is not forever but darn it, we need the help now. We are still at the stage that we can't talk about it without crying and I know someday we will be able to do that. Today isn't that day. Tomorrow isn't looking any better either.
Any suggestions for how to deal with a loss of a loved one?
I am a new subscriber and I do not have any advice since I have never had to deal with such a loss. My common sense side says, take one day at a time and just don’t plan much. Again, one day at a time. It sounds simple but don’t let tomorrow and the next days doings overwhelm you now. Spend a lot of alone time with your daughter doing fun things but things that help you communicate with her. That being said, I just wanted to write to say I am so very sorry.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry so much for your loss. For me a prayer for your loved one, constant prayer, maybe every day for a month even, would be an answer. Also making good things, helping others in the memory of your loved one, may help. I'll keep you in my prayers
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. I wish I knew what to say to help. But it sounds like you and your daughter are doing the right thing. I like Joshua 1:5 "I will never leave your or forsake you" Blessings and keep your chin up
ReplyDeleteThe tragic thing about mental health issues is that it can be so difficult to ask for help or admit you need it. People can hide it so well from family. I can understand those thoughts and feelings you had about it all, just asking 'why?'. Never doubt how much your sister loved you and the rest of the family. It was because she loved you that she probably felt she couldn't or wouldn't burden you guys with her problems. What happened to her was no reflection on you and don't ever think you failed her because you didn't. It's the illness that makes people do irrational things or tragically take their own life. Somehow in her mind, bless her, she maybe felt she was doing the right thing for her. I know that is hard to get your head round. I doubt the illness let her think about the effect on her family. Oh Mary it is just so damn heartbreaking to think of her pain and your pain. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteMary, I am so sorry. I am glad you are going to therapy and doing the things you need to do for yourself and your family. I don't think six months is too long, either; everyone grieves differently and you should take all the time you need.
ReplyDeleteWe've had two suicides in our family and none of us ever could figure out why. They withdraw behind smiles or lied and say they were fine because, like you said in the definition, they were isolated and depressed. There were no outward signs like a broken relationship, job loss, a death, or anything to make us suspect. I think your action to get help for you and your child was a big step. You are brave and doing a wonderful thing to open up about this, Mary. Thank you!
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